


To be Loved

by verysadsupergay



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Pining Yamaguchi Tadashi, Soft Tsukishima Kei, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:56:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27607970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verysadsupergay/pseuds/verysadsupergay
Summary: Tadashi was dying sure, but at least he was dying for love.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 122





	To be Loved

**Author's Note:**

> if grammar is incorrect idk im not a dictionary
> 
> ~~~  
> this is just yamaguchi choking, praying for his throat :)

Tadashi was dying sure, but at least he was dying for love.

He supposed he should’ve seen this coming, should have noticed when admiration became affection and gazes started to linger. He had always idealised love, had spent nights wishing for someone to love him regardless of his faults. This wasn’t love. This was simply pain and heartbreak.

He doesn’t know why he still smiles when the waterfall of petals cascade from his lips.

Tsukishima Kei was an enigma to him at first and he supposed to some extent he still was. Sharp eyes accompanying even sharper words, _Tsukki_ was an asshole. So why did Tadashi’s heart flutter when those steely eyes landed on him? Maybe it was bad taste, maybe it was fate. That thought made Tadashi laugh. If this is fate, then he’s fucked. God the universe must have it out for him or something, despite his growing hatred for himself he can’t think of what he did to deserve this.

He didn’t really want his last days to be filled with pitying eyes, so he plastered his best smile and persevered. Sure, his heart felt as though it was being ripped out when a pretty girl confessed their undying love for his best friend. But it was fine, he could handle it and it wasn’t like Tsukki would ever say yes. Tadashi was pretty sure he only liked dinosaurs and strawberry shortcake.

It’s fine. _Really_ , Tadashi would get over it. It’s only a crush.

He always knew he would get found out though. Tsukki was surprisingly observant. Sooner or later he would notice Tadashi’s undying love and reject him. Tadashi hoped he would be gentle about it, maybe Tsukki would feel the tiniest bit of compassion when condemning his friend to a hopeless, heart-wrenching death. Or maybe he would laugh as Tadashi’s breath gets stolen by the only one who could ever take it away. He would roll his eyes as Tadashi rots, mocking the petals falling from his mouth.

He would leave taking Tadashi’s life and heart with him.

This was happening too often. After practice Tadashi would excuse himself to the bathroom and drown in his infatuation. Someone had to be getting suspicious, Tadashi could only hope Tsukki remained oblivious to his suffering. He rushed towards the toilet hands covering his mouth as if he could stop the petals from forcing their way out. With tears in his eyes and flowers in his lungs he choked. Vibrant pinks and yellows tumbled out of his mouth. It was ironically symbolic of their relationship. Tadashi trying to drown himself in his affection for the boy, giving everything just to feel loved. And Tsukki, unaware of the other boy’s feelings staying cold and distant. Seemingly uncaring towards his supposed “best friend”. God did Tsukki even consider them that. How childish of Tadashi to even hope that they could be. He felt naïve to deem them friends sometimes. He choked out a laugh, petals and spit sputtering out of his mouth. _How pathetic._

He’s brought out of his self-depreciating thoughts by another round of coughing, throat burning as his lungs crumble. His vision darkened and spots began to form. Oh, maybe he’s finally dying. What a nice way to go, curled beside the toilet in the dingy school bathroom. While saying his last goodbyes to his miserable little life the door slams open. A sigh echoes through the bathroom. Yamaguchi hold in his coughs trying not to alert whoever entered.

“Yamaguchi, hurry up.”

Oh god. It’s Tsukki. What was he supposed to say? Clearing his throat, he stutters out his best " _S_ _orry Tsukki"_ and tries to gather himself. Act natural, stay calm, _don’t_ faint. He wipes his mouth and flushes the toilet, straightens out his rumpled school uniform, washes his hands and swings open the door. His eyes meet Tsukki’s. Remember, act natural, stay calm and please don’t faint. Tsukki’s eyes linger on the tear tracks marking his freckled cheeks.

“Yamaguchi, what the fuck is wrong with you?” he barks out, voice hard but eyes soft with concern.

No, stop. Don’t think about his eyes. It’s too late and soon he feels the flowers force their way up his throat. Fuck.

He’s hacking up petals again. He doesn’t register Tsukki’s panicked eyes, nor does he notice he’s being manoeuvred to the ground. A fist is pounding on his back, petals slow to a stop. A gentle hand is pressed against his cheek, opening his eyes he can vaguely make out a figure kneeling in front of him. Leaning into the soft touch his eyes begin to focus and he catches Tsukki’s imploring gaze.

“Sorry Tsukki.” A soft _Tch_ and eye roll are all he gets in return.

Silence envelops the hall. Most people have cleared out leaving them and a few teachers still in the school. No one is around though and eery quiet settles.

“Hanahaki,” His best friend mutters, obviously supposed to be a question but it comes out as a statement instead. The hand on his cheek is still present and a smooth thumb begins to stroke his cheek. “Who is it?”

Tadashi rolls his eyes. God the taller boy was so oblivious. Who else would it be? It was only Tsukki. Always Tsukki.

“You. Of course it’s you, it would never be anyone else.”

He prepares himself for rejection. But he may as well have told the truth. If he was going to die, he’d rather not die a coward. It would be fitting though; he never really was brave while living.

Silence once again reigned. Tsukki was just staring. Maybe he’s disgusted by me. Tadashi expected harsh words, mocking and cruel. He expected to be ridiculed for his feelings. Why would Tsukishima Kei ever like you back? You’re disgusting, useless and he’s everything. Perfect and handsome and so good. You’re not. Who would ever like Yamaguchi Tadashi, insignificant little Tadashi, he was revolting and-

Lips met lips. Tadashi felt himself be kissed. Felt the pain in his lungs ease. He felt… Loved.

“God Yamaguchi I- You mean everything to me; I- I really care about you.” Tsukki uttered as he broke the kiss, leaving Tadashi reeling.

Tsukki kissed him. Tsukishima Kei just kissed him on the lips. With his lips. Oh my god. He floundered, brain having trouble functioning as he scrambled for words. A soft chuckle came from Tsukki’s mouth. No words needed to be said.

Tadashi leaned forward and _drowned._


End file.
